Halloween is one of the few holidays that Americans from many backgrounds celebrate. But lately, seeing some people’s costumes makes me think, honey, if Jesus could see you right now, what would he think? Here are my top reasons why girls should choose to dress modestly for Halloween.

Number one: weather. Seriously, every year it’s less than 40 degrees during Halloween in Naperville. I mean, I don’t know about some people, but I would hate to wear fishnets in 40-degree-weather. How fun would it be to get frostbitten buns? I think it would be healthier to be a lumberjack, complete with a flannel shirt, suspenders and comfy shoes. Don’t fight science, ladies.

The second reason why women should choose to dress modestly for Halloween is because, ladies, you’ll love yourselves in the morning. I’m sure we’ve all experienced the post-heel pain. Also, those false eyelashes are so bad for your real eyelashes. If you choose to dress smart, you won’t have to suffer through waking up in the morning and realizing that half of your real lashes are missing because of all that glue. Also, you won’t have bunions the size of footballs on your feet, either.

Ladies, we are all more creative than we think. Instead of dressing up as a provocative cat, how about a zombie? Or maybe instead of Miley Cyrus, how about a character from a favorite movie or television show? The less you have in common with Miley, the better. Give some credit to yourselves and stay classy. Not only will you be deemed one of the smarter, creative girls at the party, but you’ll also have a good reputation. Nobody wants a bad reputation.

I beg all women to seriously consider these points before making a huge mistake. Not only will your mother be proud of you, but you won’t suffer frostbite on your gluteus maximus and be thought the most creative girl at the party. Believe me, that’s a good thing.