Column: Dear God, calm down about your grades
December 22, 2020
There’s a line I’ve used in a couple of college essays that I want to share with you.
“Frankly, I associate with and understand kids with sub-3 GPAs who don’t care about school more than grade-obsessed, AP-stacking Super-Students. Dedicating one’s entire life to getting ahead of your peers academically and ‘winning school’ is complete nonsense to me.”
I mean every word, and that line didn’t come out of a vacuum. I’ve seen it all around me for nearly four years. Kids eagerly discuss test scores with each other. They brag about how little sleep they’ve gotten studying for the four AP exams they have to take the next week. I’ve seen countless upperclassmen with freshman levels of maturity, asking every other minute the most infuriating, flow-breaking questions. Will this be on the test? How many questions will the test have? When’s the retake going to be (often they haven’t even taken the actual exam yet). Is this formative or summative?
The student body Naperville Central High School seems to have a fundamental misunderstanding of why they are where they are. This problem has been exacerbated by flabbergastingly-naive Tiger Parents and a district that seems to care far more about the numerical output of its students than their educational experience or well-being.
I need to make one thing perfectly clear: you are not in high school to obtain a high GPA. You are not in high school to get to college. You are not in high school to surpass your peers. You are in high school to learn, to better yourself. Learn for the sake of it, not for the sake of acing the next test. There are life skills to be learned and career paths to foster, sure, but the ethos of the high school experience has been perverted beyond recognition.
We are all very lucky to be at NCHS. It’s a nice building in a bubble of utopian suburbia. The district is well-funded and all that jazz. But here’s the thing: without its teachers, it would be nothing. We really do hire the best of the best, and it saddens me to my core to see barely anyone take advantage of that.
At this point, I’ve had dozens of incredible teachers, from Mr. Smith to Ms. Albiniak, Ms. Twietmeyer to Mr. Carlson, Mr. Gebbie to Mr. Gross, Mrs. Hastings to Mr. Brady… the list goes on (I’d name everyone I’ve had, but I do have a word count to fit in — sorry!). There is so much to learn from these people beyond what the curriculum mandates they tell you. The classes I’ve loved have almost always been because the teachers were great, not that the content was mind-blowing.
But instead, teachers are used like a means to an end, point dispensers more than anything else. Learning is a tool for academic success, not life enrichment. In place of anything actually productive, the D203 community has constructed a pressure cooker. I’ve seen students beat themselves up over messing up a practice math problem. Getting something wrong is a calamitous embarrassment, and performing worse than your friends is a national tragedy.
In a system like this, students are but husks, shuffling between classes (or Zooms). They’ve scooped out their souls to make room for as much “information” as possible. Learning is important, yes, but learning is not synonymous with overstuffing yourself on facts. In their pursuit of the highest GPA possible and “winning” school, they’ve somewhat abandoned their humanity.
But as I said prior, the students are not exclusively to blame. Many of the district’s parents are, to put it bluntly, insane. This culture of academic fear and stress would not exist if it wasn’t passionately reinforced by those who revel in their kids’ success and shame them for anything less than a fully unrealistic level of excellence.
If you couldn’t tell, my parents have always been a little laissez-faire, and it always shocks me when I hear about kids whose parents check their grades hundreds of times a semester. That might even be the norm at this point, and it’s borderline…gross. Please, parents of D203, stop checking your kids’ grades every 30 minutes. You have nothing to gain by knowing every time your child’s grade slides up or down a half of a percent. You’re only causing more stress.
I’d love to spend a couple hundred more words yelling at the district about all the ways they’ve perpetuated these destructive tendencies, but wouldn’t we all? I suppose I’ll just leave you with this: if you’ve ever gotten a B or lower in a high school class (and most have), what does that actually say about you? If I may make a suggestion: very little.
Suz Murphy • Dec 20, 2022 at 10:43 am
This is spot on.
Kaylyn Yung • May 6, 2021 at 6:28 pm
Hi Braden, I enjoyed reading this article. I’m a former student from NCHS (class of ‘19) who wrote a bit for Central Times. I’m not surprised the concern you bring up here is still relevant— during my time at NCHS, the grade comparing culture was very strong.
Your message resonates with the attitude I had about learning and being a student. High school is a place of learning, to take risks, and develop your own voice and identity. In essence, it’s a place to safely explore your curiosities to learn more about yourself.
Grades are relevant for one moment only: that single month it takes for a transcript to be sent to a university. After that, a student still has an entire life spanning across decades ahead of them. Is it the grade, or the attitude of curiosity and critical thinking abilities that teachers helped facilitate, that will allow you to be a cut above the rest in life? A lifelong commitment to learning helps you make new discoveries about your own life, granting you new ideas and perspectives that show you what’s really important to you. If your approach to learning is streamlined into meeting a standard somebody else set for you, where is the space for you to set your own values, have your own voice, as an individual?
I also don’t want to disparage students who are stressed out by high school culture. It is awful, and I’ve seen classmates have mental breakdowns, feel pressure by parents, and have their self worth constantly questioned by a mark on an exam paper. And there are valid reasons to stack up on the AP classes— very few people can afford tuition or qualify for substantial government aid, so doing more AP exams increases the chance to get a scholarship. I think there is a lot to examine here, and it’s easy as an outsider to criticise grade comparing culture, but when you’re the one who has to go home to a household that talks about your grades after school, it must be very difficult to trust or believe in the value of a “learning matters more than grades “ attitude. But if you care so much about your future, then consider the kind of life you really want to lead. For some, doing what’s necessary to be stable and well-off is genuinely enough. But a lot of students are ambitious, and for them I have to ask, are you overloading your precious time with doing something others demand from you, instead of exploring what you actually want to do?
One part of your article that really resonates is bringing up how the teachers make the core of NCHS. This is so true, and as I’m currently studying at a British University, and I have to say my UK friends were not as lucky as we NCHS students to have an environment so conductive to learning. (Bonus points for the suburbia bubble Naperville. Hackney schools terrify me.)
In the UK, teachers are constantly overworked and underpaid that they simply didn’t have the energy to teach at their best everyday. At NCHS, my experience with almost all my teachers was a classroom full of enthusiasm and passion, extra time for out-of-class support, and in the lieu of the UK nightmares I’ve heard (awful discipline, knife fights, terrible class planning), I have come to deeply appreciate the outstanding teachers who are vital to what NCHS is able to provide.
Just a few (lengthy) scattered thoughts I have about your article. Thank you for writing about this topic. It seems like teachers have also shared their thoughts on this, and I really hope together we can figure out a way to help reduce the stress students are facing so that they can Stop Worrying and Learn to Embrace Life ™.
Nicole Figi • Mar 20, 2021 at 7:44 am
Braden- well said and thank you for being the voice of so many students who feel this but are not allowed to say it because of the pressure they feel. As a teacher of honors- level classes, I see this all all too well. The grade becomes the definition of the student and their worth. Your reflections are my truth and a perspective I try to share almost daily with my students; “your grade does not define you or speak to who you are at the core; focus on the growth and learning and the rest will follow.” I never had you as a student, Braden, but your voice and courage to speak this truth shows you have learned exactly everything you need to be a successful graduate of NCHS!!!
Jodi Talley • Mar 19, 2021 at 8:25 am
Braden, I love this piece! I wish more people understood this perspective. Beyond school there is a whole world where creativity, grit and a sense of humor will get you so much further than high school grades (which stop mattering once you get into college anyway). I don’t check my kids’ grades online constantly because my parents saw a report card twice a year and I always managed to pull my grades up before it arrived. I want my kids to have that ability to manage toward the same outcome and learn to look after themselves and manage consequences—something they would never learn if I was managing them for them. Great writing, and keep up the good work!!!
Steff • Mar 18, 2021 at 10:31 am
Great article and great parenting bravo 😉
Mary Rosen • Mar 18, 2021 at 9:47 am
Braden,
As a parent of two kids at Naperville Central, thank you for your wonderful article!! I whole heartedly agree!!! Your words and perspective are appreciated and are a breath of fresh air!! You should be proud!
Kudos to you!!! ??
Seth Brady • Jan 5, 2021 at 2:44 pm
You speak to my soul in this piece Braden Hajer! Thank you! Dewey had it figured out over a century ago. Why is it taking us so long?
Jennifer Hoover • Dec 22, 2020 at 9:30 pm
As a parent in D203, I agree 100% with every word!
You will go on to do great things and I look forward to hearing and reading about them!!!
Jen. Your Mom • Dec 22, 2020 at 4:47 pm
Braden, I know I’ve told you this in person but I need to say again how proud of you I am for maintaining your voice and essence of who you are in your soul. I hope the world is ready for you. Your dad and I barely were.