There are a lot of reasons not to go to Dunkin. Their crullers taste like glazed mushy bread that’s somehow juicy (seriously, you’ll feel the fat drip if you take a bite), and the grim reaper who waits not-so-patiently behind you as cholesterol begins to clog every one of your pores and orifices as you spend time in one. 

Then there’s the one specific location that I have a huge problem with.

The Dunkin Donuts on Hillside Road and Washington Street, the one I’ve gone to the most due to its proximity to Naperville Central, used to hold a special place in my heart. I remember biking with my friends down Washington Street to grab a nice donut or a cup of ice cream from the Baskin Robbins next door when I was still in seventh grade, but I shall go no longer.

The other day after school, I was over at the Dunkin on Hillside in the car with a friend for the first time in probably the greater part of the last two years, and we watched through the drive-thru window as two employees argued with each other.

When I piped up with an “excuse me?” One of them turned around and went “Can you just wait?” Sir, I don’t need your sass in my life right now. After a hot second, the taller employee shoved the shorter one away from the register and took my payment. 

I left feeling a bit jaded. I know everyone is stressed right now (I work a customer service job too) but I’ve never yelled at a customer. And did I mention how the pumpkin spice latte I ordered came? It’s common knowledge that Dunkin is objectively the most heavy-handed coffee place with milk and cream, but this location made that double. I genuinely believe they may have forgotten the coffee in my pumpkin spice latte. Sure, my expectations were low for a $3 pumpkin spice latte… but a glass of half milk and half ice certainly left me disappointed. 

Even still, I was willing to give Dunkin another chance.

Friday, I went during my lunch break at school. Despite my experience with the Hillside Dunkin’s coffee and customer service being utterly sub-par, I was willing to give my beloved Dunkin another chance. However, this time, instead of arguing employees, I was greeted by a man wearing a half-buttoned shirt revealing chest hair so voluminous it was both grotesque and captivating.

After I paid for two donuts and five munchkins (no coffee this time, I learned my lesson) this Dunkin then tried to charge me a dollar for some water. I understand how the cup and straw and ice might cost a few pennies, but I’d already paid them upwards of five dollars. It’s the 21st century, I could have gone to the nearby Starbucks for a free venti ice water, which I did today. 

This Dunkin has heretofore destroyed all of the good will I’ve ever had towards it. No thank you Dunkin Donuts. No longer shall I go to your wretched location on Washington and Hillside. Consider this my F you.