I haven’t taken a number two at school since my freshman year. I am a survivor. I know that I’m being a little blunt and dramatic, and you’re probably judging me to some degree, but that is ok. For the past three years, whenever I needed to “do my business,” I left the building and went home. Normally my mom called me out (shoutout to Jennifer). 

I know it’s a little extreme to get called off campus just to use the restroom, but I promise you it’s for a good reason. My rationale is a combination of toxic TikTok trends mixed in with the overall stupid tendencies of high school boys. 

As if sitting on a toilet with your pants down isn’t an extremely vulnerable action on its own – the constant buzzing and terrorizing of random nearby students will be sure to do the trick. 

When I say terrorizing, students aren’t breaking down doors and creating absolute havoc. But they do sometimes like to talk to you while you’re in the stall in an attempt to embarrass you. TikTok trends regularly depict groups of kids huddled outside of bathroom stalls giggling as they whisper at people trying to use the restroom. Another supposed joke is taking wads of paper towels, getting them wet by running it under the sink, then catapulting them over the stalls onto the heads of the innocent. I’m shuddering just thinking about it. I have seen some incidents take place here at Central, but nothing too concerning. 

Call me over dramatic, but the bathroom literally sucks. Public bathrooms in general are just the worst. From a sanitary perspective, they are nearly a safety hazard. And in every other aspect, they are just bad memories waiting to take place. For example: you know when you’re in a stall and someone knocks on the door. What am I supposed to say? Yes? Hello? Occupied? Come in? Definitely makes the list of top ten most uneasy conversations. 

The only bathrooms that I don’t have a problem with are the ones that are single person use. You walk inside, lock the door behind you and do what you came for. 

But even if there weren’t any students being weird and annoying, I still think pooping at school would be extremely awkward. More often than not, the bathroom only has like one or two people inside, meaning that it’s generally very quiet. Now imagine yourself trying to, you know, do your thing, knowing that there are other people around that can hear you. 

Personally, I think we should get some music bumping in the bathroom. Much like the instrumental tracks used in elevators to prevent awkwardness, why not have a little bathroom playlist running all day long? It doesn’t have to be teenage oriented music, but as long as it’s loud enough to prevent general discomfort, I’m all for it. 

I’m not even  sure what the point of my writing is yet. Perhaps exposing what’s going on in bathrooms? A simple cry for help? Who knows. I just think it’s important that everyone knows that a simple task such as going to the bathroom is somehow unbearable.