No high school experience is complete without enduring at least one of Shakespeare’s classics. Romeo and Juliet, Hamlet and Macbeth are the trifecta that make teenagers overanalyze what a dead person wrote in the 1600s. 

But it’s well established that Shakespeare’s plays were meant to be seen, not read. So when my Honors English 2 class went to see a live performance of Macbeth by A Crew of Patches in Naperville Central’s auditorium, I was excited. 

It started off great. The lights dimmed, and the three witches made their entrance in the audience. The interactiveness really drove the suspense and instantly captured everyone’s attention. 

It quickly fell apart after that. 

I think the amount of disappointment I felt should be a world record. It was a recipe for disaster with the main ingredients being the crew’s inconsistent talent, barebone props and Old Navy-looking costumes. That’s not even mentioning Macbeth’s gray, skin-tight leggings very clearly outlining his scrotum the entire play (pass me the bleach). 

In fact, I didn’t even know which actor was Macbeth until twenty minutes into the play titled Macbeth. I couldn’t hear the actors half the time, and when I could, their words were so poorly enunciated that I understood nothing. Shouldn’t the actors project their voice clearly so that everyone in the audience can enjoy the play? I did not pay $10 to hear gibberish—especially from people dressed like peasants instead of the nobility they were portraying.  

Really, what’s the problem here? With several classes attending, and a $10 fee per student, could the crew really not afford any other option than to slap a dingy crown on Macbeth’s balding head (with no other costume changes, mind you)? Lady Macbeth’s oversaturated dress made her look like a reject of Princess Peach from the Mario series. But in comparison to everyone else’s drab tunics, that might as well be a compliment. 

Finally, Macduff kills Macbeth and throws a prop of a head in a bag to Malcolm on the ground. 

This prop had no business being so good. Why, amidst the scuffed crown, a goodwill dinner table and some child’s baby doll, was this prop actually realistic? In the words of my best friend, “Macbeth performed better when he was dead than when he was alive.” 

Dead Macbeth slayed. Literally. The fake hunk of meat proved to be the best as the play concluded. Even the end was disappointing. This performance didn’t even give me closure as the guards casually talked about who should be the next ruler like it was a regular Monday. Hello? Your tyrant king who killed innocent families just died; please at least have a shred of feeling. 

During the Q&A afterward, the crew seemed genuinely passionate about performing Shakespeare’s plays. Yet their passion was lost in the actual performance. They soiled my morning and left me traumatized.

Macbeth is a favorite of many, and I’m extremely sad I did not get to experience its full potential. But hey, at least I got to skip class.