Every student at some point in their life has raised their hand and asked the fateful question: “Can I use the bathroom?”

This often leads to either a serious answer, or the classic joke-response, “I don’t know, can you?”

Well, with the introduction of Minga, the answer is a clear no. Not comfortably, at least.

For those lucky souls who haven’t heard yet, Minga is a digital hall pass that District 203 introduced across all high schools and junior highs. When a student wishes to go to the bathroom, they must notify the teacher, open up their Chromebook, and have their bathroom request approved by the online software. Afterwards, a seven-minute timer will count down and if the student does not return within that amount of time, the discrepancy will be logged.

Thankfully, the district was kind enough to give us seven whole minutes for a bathroom break. It used to be five, but I guess the district could feel my fantastic opinion coming and hastily extended the time. What are we, olympians? Of course, seven minutes may as well be enough time to pop a squat, maybe wipe and hopefully wash your hands, but what about emergencies? What about menstruation? What if I had too much coffee that morning? Does the administration really need to know if I don’t achieve a perfect bathroom pit stop within seven minutes?

Flex those bowels, kids: taking a dump just became a sport.

Now on top of keeping up with grades in four AP courses and worrying about college applications, I have to achieve a good grade in going to the bathroom too? It’s not like I’ll get rescinded from my dream school because I take longer to pee than everyone else. That would just be ridiculous.

Now despite the dystopian nightmare that is Minga, D203 actually has some valid reasons behind this enforcement. There have been reports of students wasting class time by going to the bathroom and then never returning. Issues of students having “vape parties,” where a group of students set a designated time to all go to the bathroom to vape, was also brought up. Of course, these are all issues that need to be addressed and taken care of. School is first and foremost a place for learning, after all.

But truant students aren’t going to suddenly love going to class just because they can’t leave the classroom anymore. Honestly, this could only lead to more rebellion since it inconveniences the majority in efforts to control the minority.

Minga isn’t a good solution; Minga is the easy solution. The whole system just creates unnecessary pressure. Add another chain to the ever-growing mass of restrictions tied to our ankles, will you? Despite the district’s good-faith reasons behind this new enforcement, it will ultimately do more harm than good. If two students are found to frequently go to the bathroom at the same time, the system may restrict students so that only one of them can be out at a time. Whether this tracking method works or not, it’s excessively invasive. What’s the leeway for coincidences? Would I really be punished if my bowel movements just so happened to line up with someone else’s? Also, the knowledge of being tracked just for using the bathroom unsettles me to the point where I avoid going to the bathroom during class at all. Trust me: of all demographics, teenagers hate being forcibly controlled the most.

I love attending Naperville Central, but I love being able to freely use the bathroom even more, yet another thing I look forward to in college.

Now if you’ll excuse me, my seven minutes are almost up. I only have so much time to wipe—I mean write.